Wednesday, May 26, 2010

26 weeks

So, this past week I was pretty much a big mess. 26 weeks is when I gave birth to Eli and so hitting 26 weeks with this pregnancy hit me pretty hard and I was in a pretty dark place. Each day of that week brought back sad memories. The last day that I felt Eli move, the day that we confirmed that there was no heartbeat. The day that I went to the hospital to be induced, and then finally, the day that I birthed my baby boy's lifeless body. I felt as though I was in a pit that was too deep to get out of. I was feeling hopeless. Don't get me wrong, I would get out of bed in the morning because of Aaron and Eva but it seemed that was all I could do, get out of bed. I couldn't live life beyond that. I was just in the grip of depression.
We had our all church retreat this weekend up in McCall and it was just what I needed. First of all, just the 2.5 hour drive up gave me and Aaron time to talk and to just be together and I was able to express my feelings to Aaron. That helped me a little bit to not feel so alone. The Holy Spirit was really moving during the weekend and I feel like I am learning to live again. I found hope. I found purpose to live. Leave it to God to give me just what I need at just the right time. If only I would learn to always lean on Him and trust in Him instead of trying to survive on my own.
Ok, enough of the heavy stuff. Here are some pictures for you to enjoy.
Here's my 26 week belly.

And some pictures from the retreat.



1 comment:

Dave said...

Thanks so much for sharing your process. I just can't imagine how hard this has been and I'm amazed at your ability to find hope and comfort (and at God's ability to give it) when you most needed it. Thanks again!